1 00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:10,477 [theme music] 2 00:00:10,577 --> 00:00:13,513 ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show," 3 00:00:13,613 --> 00:00:22,856 starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry 4 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,692 Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore. 5 00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:32,832 Oh, boy, what a day. 6 00:00:32,932 --> 00:00:34,300 I'm beat. 7 00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:38,471 Yeah, I'm so tired, I can hardly keep my mouth open. 8 00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,640 Ah, come on, Rob, what do you say we go home? 9 00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:41,808 That is a good idea. 10 00:00:41,908 --> 00:00:44,811 You better give Nuddy a budge. 11 00:00:44,911 --> 00:00:46,746 Don't you mean give Buddy a nudge? 12 00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,615 Yeah. 13 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,284 You know, I think you're right on both counts. 14 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,119 Hey, Nuddy, come on, it's all over. 15 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,254 Come on. Come on. 16 00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:55,755 I'm listening, I'm listening. 17 00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:58,825 Look, after Alan does the shoehorn bit, he comes out-- 18 00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:00,527 We did that two hours ago. 19 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:04,197 Why did you let me sit here and work on it? 20 00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:05,832 You were sleeping, Buddy. 21 00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,068 But not restfully. 22 00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:09,402 Oh, Rob, I'm glad I caught you. 23 00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:12,071 Alan wants you and Laura to go to the CIU dinner 24 00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:13,406 tonight and accept his award. 25 00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:14,140 Tonight? 26 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,275 Why can't he accept it? 27 00:01:15,375 --> 00:01:16,743 Because he and I are on our way 28 00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:18,945 now to Chicago for an emergency meeting with a sponsor. 29 00:01:19,045 --> 00:01:20,413 Oh, that's terrible. 30 00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:22,749 Wrong, anything that gets Mel out of town is great. 31 00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:24,617 You know, I wish you'd said something sooner. 32 00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:25,718 This is the last minute. 33 00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:26,986 Why can't Buddy do it? 34 00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:27,954 Are you joking? 35 00:01:28,054 --> 00:01:29,222 What's the matter? 36 00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:30,423 I'm not good enough to pick up an award? 37 00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:31,491 Precisely. 38 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,293 You know why his mother named him Mel? 39 00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:34,861 Because she couldn't spell "blech." 40 00:01:37,630 --> 00:01:38,731 Rob, will you? 41 00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:40,300 I don't know, Mel. 42 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,502 Look, Rob, if you want the glamour of being head writer, 43 00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:44,170 you have to accept the problems. 44 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:45,738 What glamour? 45 00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:48,942 Working with people like me. 46 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:51,611 I thought that was the problem. 47 00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:53,112 You know, it could be. 48 00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:54,814 Well, Rob, I guess you're it. 49 00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:55,715 Why me? 50 00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:56,916 Why always me? 51 00:01:57,016 --> 00:01:58,551 Because you're so tall and willowy. 52 00:01:58,651 --> 00:01:59,552 Oh, thanks. 53 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,221 Hey listen, Rob, accept the award. 54 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:02,922 You know, don't be embarrassed, just take it and take 55 00:02:03,022 --> 00:02:04,157 all the credit you want. 56 00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:05,758 But don't forget to mention the people 57 00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:08,895 that made it all possible, the little folk like Buddy Sorrell. 58 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,029 Yeah, he's right, Rob. 59 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,565 There's nobody littler than Buddy. 60 00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:13,800 Good luck, Rob. 61 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:14,868 Good luck to me too. 62 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,035 One for you too? 63 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,070 My wife is cooking dinner tonight. 64 00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:18,638 Oh. 65 00:02:18,738 --> 00:02:19,739 Good luck. 66 00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:20,673 Goodnight, Rob. 67 00:02:20,773 --> 00:02:21,674 Goodnight. 68 00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:22,976 Boy, if there's anything Laura hates, 69 00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,444 it's a last minute invitation. 70 00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:26,980 Well, now Alan will consider it a very special favor. 71 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,381 Oh, by the way, it's formal. 72 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,483 For-- well, I hope my tux is pressed. 73 00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:32,785 Oh, it will be, Rob, you're a neat person. 74 00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:36,322 Honey? 75 00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:37,790 Hi, what are you doing? 76 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:39,826 Uh, I'm right in the middle of making an emergency 77 00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:41,127 costume for Ritchie. 78 00:02:41,227 --> 00:02:42,362 Well, you better start making an emergency 79 00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:43,563 costume for yourself. 80 00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,398 We're going to a formal dinner tonight. 81 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:47,133 What do you mean tonight? 82 00:02:47,233 --> 00:02:48,368 Tonight, after sundown. 83 00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:53,006 Alan wants us to pick up that CIU award for him. 84 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:56,543 Oh, Rob, I wish you'd have given me a little more notice. 85 00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:59,279 Honey, I'm giving you all the notice they gave me. 86 00:02:59,379 --> 00:03:00,847 Well, do you have to go? 87 00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:01,848 I mean, do we have to? 88 00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:03,116 Couldn't someone else do it? 89 00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:05,251 Alan practically ordered me to go, OK? 90 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:06,486 Well, I guess so. 91 00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:08,988 Oh hey, honey, would you get my tux 92 00:03:09,088 --> 00:03:09,956 out and see if it's pressed? 93 00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:11,357 It's in the closet, I think. 94 00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:14,127 OK, well, Rob, I don't think it is in the closet. 95 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,461 I haven't seen it in a long time. 96 00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:19,232 Oh, honey, it's all rolled up in my suitcase. 97 00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:20,767 You mean, you never took it out? 98 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,335 No, don't ball me out. 99 00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:24,137 Just get it out and send it to be pressed, will you? 100 00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:25,505 LAURA (ON PHONE): All right, and then you 101 00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:26,973 pick it up on your way home? - That's the deal. 102 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:27,941 LAURA (ON PHONE): OK. - Uh, honey, you still there? 103 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:28,875 Yes. 104 00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:30,009 Buy a corsage from-- 105 00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,545 from me. 106 00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:34,480 What should I write on the card from you? 107 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:38,718 Well, just say you love yourself and sign my name. 108 00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:42,021 Darling, are you starting to take me for granted? 109 00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:43,089 Yeah. 110 00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:44,090 - I'll get you for this. - Bye. 111 00:03:44,190 --> 00:03:45,291 LAURA (ON PHONE): Bye. 112 00:03:48,861 --> 00:03:49,662 Rob? 113 00:03:49,762 --> 00:03:50,863 Yeah. 114 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,032 Can you imagine, we have to go to a formal dinner? 115 00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:54,067 Not tonight. 116 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,501 Tonight. 117 00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,870 Ritchie, do you absolutely, positively have to have 118 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,072 this for tomorrow morning? 119 00:03:59,172 --> 00:03:59,973 I need it. 120 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,774 Science teacher said so. 121 00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:04,143 Well, why'd you wait to the last minute to tell me? 122 00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:05,044 I don't know. 123 00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,212 I think I forgot. 124 00:04:06,312 --> 00:04:07,614 Well, you know what? 125 00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:09,382 I think I'll just forget your allowance next week. 126 00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:12,652 You forgot it last week. 127 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:13,987 Didn't you know you're gonna have 128 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,421 to make a thundercloud costume? 129 00:04:15,521 --> 00:04:17,423 Yes, but I thought a thundercloud was an Indian, 130 00:04:17,523 --> 00:04:20,326 so I bought a bow and arrow, seven feathers. 131 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,828 For a science play? 132 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,664 Well, I figured they'd have a rain dance or something. 133 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:26,165 OK, I'll take it from there. 134 00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:27,500 Oh, thanks, Millie. 135 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,836 I gotta make a few phone calls and get Rob's tux. 136 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:30,970 Whatever I can do. 137 00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:32,639 Thank you. 138 00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:34,340 Why couldn't you be a regular cloud? 139 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,175 Why did you have to be a bad cloud? 140 00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:37,443 I'm a good cloud. 141 00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:39,979 An airplane flies over me and seeds me. 142 00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:40,980 Seeds you? 143 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,115 What in the world for? 144 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,183 To make me rain on the crops. 145 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,219 Listen, my Freddy's gonna be an ear of corn, 146 00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:47,453 you gonna rain on him? 147 00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:50,990 Sure, you want him to grow, don't ya? 148 00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:53,793 Oh, boy, I can see what kind of a night this is gonna be. 149 00:04:53,893 --> 00:04:54,861 What happened? 150 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,196 I just remembered the cleaner is closed. 151 00:04:57,296 --> 00:04:58,831 How am I gonna get Rob's tux pressed? 152 00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:00,433 Does it need it? 153 00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,435 Well, that depends on whether you're gonna wear 154 00:05:02,535 --> 00:05:05,104 it or play football with it. 155 00:05:05,204 --> 00:05:06,039 Is that it? 156 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,040 Yes. 157 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:07,974 It needs it. 158 00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,075 I'll press it for you. 159 00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:10,410 Can you? 160 00:05:10,510 --> 00:05:12,612 Laura, my father was a presser for 35 years. 161 00:05:12,712 --> 00:05:15,214 Oh, well, I just wouldn't want you to burn it or anything. 162 00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:16,582 - Do I look like a fire bug? - No. 163 00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:17,517 Where's your steam iron? 164 00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:19,318 In the linen closet. 165 00:05:19,419 --> 00:05:20,453 What do I do with this? 166 00:05:20,553 --> 00:05:23,890 Just swish it around a little. 167 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,592 You thought a thundercloud was an Indian, mommy? 168 00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:29,362 Well, when I went to school, dear, he was an Indian. 169 00:05:29,462 --> 00:05:33,232 Did you have Indians in school in the olden days? 170 00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:34,934 Only in books, dear. 171 00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:35,968 Back again. 172 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,270 This'll only take a few minutes. 173 00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:39,472 Oh my goodness. 174 00:05:39,572 --> 00:05:40,373 What's the matter? 175 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:41,974 What are you doing? 176 00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,009 I'm swishing. 177 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:45,144 Laura, your hands, your hands. 178 00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:51,984 That'll rinse right off, won't it? 179 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,554 Never, that's a permanent dye. 180 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,628 Where did you ever get this dye? 181 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:04,597 You know my black fur coat? 182 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,998 You died it with this? 183 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,434 Yeah, four years ago. 184 00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:10,002 It's not coming off. 185 00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:13,139 Laura, you'll find that's one of your best permanent dyes. 186 00:06:13,239 --> 00:06:15,374 I already found that out, Millie. 187 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,143 Why didn't you say something? 188 00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,145 I did, I distinctly said swish. 189 00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:20,346 Well, I did swish. 190 00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:21,381 With your hand? 191 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:22,782 Well, you didn't say not to. 192 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:25,284 Laura, swish means with a stick. 193 00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:27,086 Then you should have said with a stick. 194 00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:29,122 You wouldn't stir a pot of soup with your hands, 195 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,490 would you? 196 00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:31,891 No, and I wouldn't stir with a stick either. 197 00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:33,326 You're getting awful touchy lately. 198 00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:34,627 Well, it's just that I don't understand 199 00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,195 why you didn't warn me, Millie. 200 00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,631 Well, whoever dreamed you'd put your hands in a pot of dye. 201 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,733 I told you, I never dyed before. 202 00:06:40,833 --> 00:06:44,036 Even a child knows you don't dye with your hands. 203 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:47,507 OK, OK, so I'm not perfect. 204 00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:50,610 Oh, Millie, what am I gonna do? 205 00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,545 I don't know anything about dye. 206 00:06:52,645 --> 00:06:54,547 I thought you said you were an expert. 207 00:06:54,647 --> 00:06:58,284 Well, I know how to dye, but I don't know how to undye. 208 00:06:58,384 --> 00:07:00,486 Well, who does know? 209 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,655 Jerry, Jerry's a chemical genius. 210 00:07:02,755 --> 00:07:03,823 You think he can get it off? 211 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,725 If he can't get it off, nobody can. 212 00:07:05,825 --> 00:07:08,327 He's got more bottles of chemicals than a drugstore. 213 00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:09,662 Oh, Millie, I hope he can do it. 214 00:07:09,762 --> 00:07:11,764 He can do it or I'll kill him. 215 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:14,834 I'll press the tux while you get that stuff off your hands. 216 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,068 OK. 217 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,203 Mom, where are you going? 218 00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:18,437 I'm just next door. 219 00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,673 Ritchie, get away from the pot, dear. 220 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,241 Go in your room and do your homework. 221 00:07:22,341 --> 00:07:24,510 Aw, mom. 222 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:26,579 Boy, Millie, I wish you'd said something to me. 223 00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:28,047 Oh, how could you swish without a stick? 224 00:07:28,147 --> 00:07:31,317 Well, then you should have said with a stick. 225 00:07:31,417 --> 00:07:35,154 Honey, the cleaner was closed. 226 00:07:35,254 --> 00:07:36,155 Laura? 227 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,028 Honey? 228 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,272 Good thing we're going out to dinner. 229 00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,146 It couldn't be my tux. 230 00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:05,284 Hey, Ritchie? 231 00:08:05,384 --> 00:08:06,786 - Hi, dad. - Hi. 232 00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,721 Hey, you know anything about the mess in the pot here? 233 00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:11,057 That's my costume for the play. 234 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,191 What kind of a costume? 235 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:13,860 A thundercloud suit. 236 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,127 Oh, yeah. 237 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,395 Mommy's doing it. 238 00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:17,964 Well, she's gonna have to do it tomorrow. 239 00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:19,498 But I have to wear it tomorrow. 240 00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:20,633 Where's your mother, Rich? 241 00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:22,668 But daddy, I need it for the play. 242 00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:24,470 Ritchie, don't whine. 243 00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:25,471 Where's your mother? 244 00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:26,739 She's over at Aunt Millie's 245 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,775 Oh, well, I better go get her. 246 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,477 Whoa, what are you doing? 247 00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,312 I gotta finish my thundercloud suit. 248 00:08:33,412 --> 00:08:35,248 Well, what needs to be done? 249 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,716 Mommy's washing it. 250 00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:38,651 Oh, well, boy, it sure needs it. 251 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:46,325 Look, you let me do the thundercloud suit, 252 00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:48,427 because mama will kill you if you mess this kitchen up. 253 00:08:48,527 --> 00:08:49,996 You go tell mama that I'm home, will you? 254 00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,063 OK. 255 00:08:51,163 --> 00:08:53,266 How does a kid get something this dirty? 256 00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,201 [phone rings] 257 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:56,903 RITCHIE: I'll get it. 258 00:08:57,003 --> 00:09:00,006 If that's mommy, ask her what she did with my tuxedo. 259 00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:01,908 RITCHIE: Mommy wants to talk to you, daddy. 260 00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:03,476 I can't come to the phone now. 261 00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,344 RITCHIE: He can't come to the phone now. 262 00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:06,245 What a mess. 263 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:07,280 RITCHIE: OK, mommy. 264 00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:11,183 Mommy's coming home. 265 00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,752 Oh, good. 266 00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,221 Also mommy said not to put your hands in the pot of dye. 267 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:25,331 This must be the one she means. 268 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:38,277 Gee, I could have sworn Jerry would get that stuff off. 269 00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:39,745 He's a chemical genius. 270 00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,681 ROB: Honey, is that you? 271 00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:42,949 Yes, dear. 272 00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:44,984 Oh, boy, wait 'til he sees your hands. 273 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,619 So honey, a couple of things have come up. 274 00:09:46,719 --> 00:09:49,188 Listen, Rob, I know how important 275 00:09:49,288 --> 00:09:52,258 this dinner is to you, dear, but I'm not gonna be able to go. 276 00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:53,259 Why not? 277 00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:59,432 Hows come mine got darker than yours? 278 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,134 Oh, Rob, you didn't? 279 00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:03,135 Who didn't? 280 00:10:03,235 --> 00:10:04,937 What do you mean "who didn't?" - Well-- 281 00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,339 Look, why don't you put up a sign when you got a booby trap 282 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,740 in the kitchen like that? 283 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,642 Well, I told Ritchie to tell you on the phone. 284 00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:11,944 Boy, look at all those dyed hands. 285 00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:15,047 How do you people get yourselves into situations like this? 286 00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:20,886 Rob, if I said swish to you, wouldn't you use a stick? 287 00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:21,621 What? 288 00:10:21,721 --> 00:10:23,456 Never mind. 289 00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,224 Rob, this is awful. 290 00:10:25,324 --> 00:10:26,892 Well, at least we match. 291 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:28,227 What are we gonna do? 292 00:10:28,327 --> 00:10:29,695 We're gonna get it off is what we're gonna do. 293 00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,697 Rob, it won't come off. 294 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,399 Even Jerry couldn't get it off. 295 00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:34,300 He got it too? 296 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,736 No, Rob, off my hands. 297 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,704 Yeah, and he's a chemical genius. 298 00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,307 With certain limitations. 299 00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:42,742 Well, hey, how about makeup? 300 00:10:42,842 --> 00:10:45,478 No, we tried it and it won't cover. 301 00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:48,147 Well, if we can't get it off, we're not going to that dinner, 302 00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:49,215 boy, that is for sure. 303 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,483 Well, what about Alan? 304 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,284 I thought you said he practically ordered you to go. 305 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:54,253 Honey, if we walked into the Crystal Room with our hands 306 00:10:54,353 --> 00:10:56,956 looking like this, people would think we were out of our minds. 307 00:10:57,056 --> 00:10:58,924 Couldn't you pretend it's a gag? 308 00:10:59,025 --> 00:10:59,925 A gag? 309 00:11:00,026 --> 00:11:01,427 Well, they know you're a comedy writer. 310 00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:05,031 Millie, that is positively in the worst taste. 311 00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,233 Well, it's not a matter of taste. 312 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,002 Honey, you know what the CIU is, don't you? 313 00:11:10,102 --> 00:11:13,839 Well, of course, the Committee for Interracial Understanding. 314 00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:29,889 Oh, Committee for Interracial Understanding. 315 00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:31,490 That's what the award is for. 316 00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,292 Rob, we can't go like this. 317 00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:34,694 Even if Alan ordered me to. 318 00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:35,928 Unless you wore gloves. 319 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,631 Hey, dad, look at this neat baseball. 320 00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:40,299 Ritchie, I told you not-- 321 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:41,333 Honey, forget it. 322 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,269 At least he looks like one of the family. 323 00:11:49,742 --> 00:11:50,643 Flowers for Mrs. Petrie. 324 00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:51,544 I'll take 'em. 325 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:52,545 Hold it. 326 00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:53,946 Not with those hands, sonny. 327 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:55,815 You better wash 'em before your mother sees 'em. 328 00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,349 Her hands are the same way. 329 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,651 Sure, I'll bet they are. 330 00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:00,753 Our daddy's too. 331 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:02,521 Oh, the corsage. 332 00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:04,990 Yes, that will be 4.50, ma'am. 333 00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:05,958 Would you pay him, please? 334 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,227 Yeah, I'll get it. 335 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:09,428 Here you are. 336 00:12:09,528 --> 00:12:12,031 [laughs] You're probably wondering about our hands. 337 00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:12,998 I didn't even notice 'em. 338 00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:14,834 I didn't even notice 'em. 339 00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:15,868 Didn't notice 'em? 340 00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:17,470 No, I didn't-- 341 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:20,673 Well, I did, but I thought you were all members of the mafia. 342 00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:23,109 No, my son, we were-- 343 00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:24,210 Making wine? 344 00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,144 No, ink. 345 00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:25,911 Ink. 346 00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:26,846 That's all right. 347 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:27,813 Keep the change. 348 00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:28,848 Thank you. 349 00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:29,882 That's a nice hobby, making ink. 350 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,283 Well, can I have the flowers-- 351 00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:32,585 Oh, yeah, the flowers. 352 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,720 That's a good hobby, making ink. 353 00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:35,654 Night, folks. 354 00:12:35,754 --> 00:12:38,491 Goodnight. 355 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,893 Just a little preview of what's going to happen to us tonight. 356 00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:43,195 Well, why didn't you just tell him what happened? 357 00:12:43,295 --> 00:12:46,899 What, telling him we're dying a thundercloud suit, you mean? 358 00:12:46,999 --> 00:12:50,035 Well, the corsage is wilting and the CIU is waiting. 359 00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:51,170 We better get dressed. 360 00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,705 Well, honey, what about the hands? 361 00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:53,906 Well, I don't know, Rob. 362 00:12:54,006 --> 00:12:56,108 We just have to wear gloves. 363 00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:57,643 Well, that's fine for you. 364 00:12:57,743 --> 00:12:59,411 But you got a picture of me in a tuxedo trying to butter 365 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:00,913 a roll with gloves on? 366 00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:04,517 Darling, there's no alternative. 367 00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:05,651 Don't kid yourself, there's two 368 00:13:05,751 --> 00:13:07,553 alternatives, Buddy and Sally. 369 00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:10,055 Hey, Rob, do me a favor, will you, and make it fast. 370 00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:11,557 I just drew an inside straight. 371 00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:15,728 Look at this, 6, 7, 8, 9, Jack. 372 00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,763 Fellas, count me out. 373 00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,064 Best hand I had all night. 374 00:13:19,165 --> 00:13:20,666 What's the matter, Rob? What's your problem? 375 00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:21,634 You ready for this? 376 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:22,568 BUDDY (ON PHONE): Yeah. 377 00:13:22,668 --> 00:13:23,936 I died my hands black. 378 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:29,308 Buddy? 379 00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,509 Are you there? 380 00:13:30,609 --> 00:13:35,347 Yeah, I thought I heard Mel say to dye 'em green. 381 00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,582 Buddy, this is no joke. 382 00:13:36,682 --> 00:13:38,083 You really dyed your hands? 383 00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:39,185 Right. 384 00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:40,452 Can you see your way clear to go in my place? 385 00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,720 Rob, I can't. 386 00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:43,088 Pickles twisted her back this afternoon 387 00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:44,557 carrying out the garbage. 388 00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:45,891 She's in bed. 389 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,293 ROB (ON PHONE): Well, does she need you there? 390 00:13:47,393 --> 00:13:51,630 Yeah, every half hour I gotta turn her over. 391 00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:53,799 Why can't one of the other guys do it while you're gone? 392 00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:54,834 Are you kidding? 393 00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:55,868 Why do you think they're here? 394 00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:59,271 Takes all four of us to do it. 395 00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:01,507 I gather from your tone of the conversation 396 00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:02,541 that you're not gonna go. 397 00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:03,609 Gee, I'd like to, but I can't. 398 00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:04,643 No, I understand. 399 00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:06,045 Doggone it, I depended on you. 400 00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:07,313 BUDDY (ON PHONE): Oh, you can depend on me, Rob. 401 00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:08,147 Yeah? For what? 402 00:14:08,247 --> 00:14:09,415 For Sally's phone number. 403 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:10,482 It's 2-7-- 404 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,817 Thanks a lot, I have it. 405 00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:13,385 BUDDY (ON PHONE): Hey, want some good advice? 406 00:14:13,485 --> 00:14:14,520 What? 407 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:15,654 BUDDY (ON PHONE): You got a pair of gloves? 408 00:14:15,754 --> 00:14:16,555 - Yeah. - Wear 'em, pal. 409 00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:17,590 ROB (ON PHONE): Thanks. 410 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,591 Buddy doesn't want to go? 411 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,925 No, he can't. 412 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,427 He's gotta turn Pickles over every half hour. 413 00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:22,261 What? 414 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,462 Well, what's the difference? 415 00:14:23,562 --> 00:14:24,897 Honey, do I have any gloves? 416 00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,765 Well, you have that pair you got for Christmas. 417 00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:28,133 You mean with the fur lining? 418 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,202 You think they'd be too warm? 419 00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,838 Nothing goes over worse at a formal dinner than the smell 420 00:14:32,938 --> 00:14:35,774 of sweaty bunny fur. 421 00:14:35,874 --> 00:14:37,176 Who are you calling? 422 00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,244 Sally. 423 00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:39,878 Do you think you can talk her into it? 424 00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:41,981 Well, if I can make it sound like a lot of fun. 425 00:14:42,081 --> 00:14:43,849 Well, in case you can't make it sound like enough fun, 426 00:14:43,949 --> 00:14:46,619 I think I'd better start getting dressed. 427 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,621 [phone ringing] 428 00:14:49,788 --> 00:14:50,589 Hello? 429 00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:51,890 ROB (ON PHONE): Hi, Sal. 430 00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:53,993 Listen, a funny thing happened on the way 431 00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:55,127 to that formal dinner. 432 00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:56,795 Look, Rob, make it fast, will you? 433 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:57,796 I'm kind of busy. 434 00:14:57,896 --> 00:14:59,198 Get to the punch line, huh? 435 00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:01,333 Sally, I didn't call you up to tell you a joke. 436 00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:04,270 Look, Laura and I were drying to dye a thundercloud suit. 437 00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:07,106 In the process, we died our hands too. 438 00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:08,440 Oh, yeah, that was smart. 439 00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:11,176 You see, it's best to do all that stuff at once. 440 00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:13,445 I've got to have somebody to go in my place, how about it? 441 00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:14,346 No, I can't go. 442 00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:15,481 I'm sorry. 443 00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:16,849 ROB (ON PHONE): Why not? 444 00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:19,585 Well, because my hair is full of beer and eggs right now. 445 00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:23,055 How did you get beer and eggs in your hair? 446 00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,524 I was attacked by a band of bootleg chickens. 447 00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:31,030 Sal, come on, please. 448 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,699 Rob, my aunt Agnes is here tending my hair. 449 00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:34,733 No chance then? 450 00:15:34,833 --> 00:15:36,302 No, no chance, Rob, I'm sorry. 451 00:15:36,402 --> 00:15:38,470 You know, if you'd only called me sooner-- 452 00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:40,406 Hey, I got a great idea. 453 00:15:40,506 --> 00:15:42,775 Does it have anything to do with wearing gloves? 454 00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:43,676 SALLY (ON PHONE): Yeah. 455 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:44,610 Forget it. 456 00:15:44,710 --> 00:15:45,544 Bye, Rob. 457 00:15:45,644 --> 00:15:46,945 Bye, Sally. 458 00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:48,380 Sally can't make it? 459 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,015 Nope. 460 00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,451 Rob, what are we gonna do? 461 00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:54,987 Well, honey, I can't go to that dinner wearing gloves. 462 00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:56,255 Well, I guess you'll just have to keep 463 00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:57,589 your hands in your pockets. 464 00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,291 Well, isn't going to be a little hard to eat? 465 00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:02,728 Rob, how can you think of eating at a time like this? 466 00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:03,929 Come on, let's get dressed. 467 00:16:04,029 --> 00:16:04,997 We'll probably miss dinner. 468 00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:06,231 I'm starved. 469 00:16:09,835 --> 00:16:10,769 Rob. 470 00:16:10,869 --> 00:16:12,404 OK. 471 00:16:12,504 --> 00:16:13,739 Gee. 472 00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,741 Darling, we're a half an hour late. 473 00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:19,178 Honey, I don't think we're gonna get away with this. 474 00:16:19,278 --> 00:16:21,513 Rob, I thought you said you were gonna wear the gloves you 475 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:22,715 got for Christmas. 476 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,383 Well, I thought I could tell 'em there's something 477 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,884 wrong with my hands, an allergy, something like that. 478 00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:27,786 But why work gloves? 479 00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:29,154 Well, they look more clinical. 480 00:16:29,254 --> 00:16:30,356 You mean comical. 481 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:33,325 You look like Mickey Mouse. 482 00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:34,960 He only had three fingers. 483 00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:36,028 Rob, take 'em off. 484 00:16:36,128 --> 00:16:38,564 Come on, put these on. 485 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,132 So much time has passed now, we're gonna 486 00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:41,233 miss the whole dinner anyway. 487 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:42,434 I know. 488 00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:43,969 Probably won't get there in time for the award. 489 00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:45,003 Oh, honey, this isn't right. 490 00:16:45,104 --> 00:16:46,305 I look like a strangler. 491 00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,243 Boy, you sure couldn't wear these to a formal, 492 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:52,978 not unless you were part of the entertainment. 493 00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:53,912 Millie. 494 00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:55,381 Hey, whose are these? 495 00:16:55,481 --> 00:16:56,315 Jerry's. 496 00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:57,282 Jerry's? 497 00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:58,951 Well, actually, they're his mother's. 498 00:16:59,051 --> 00:17:00,285 His mother's? 499 00:17:00,386 --> 00:17:01,587 Yeah, she always leaves something at our house 500 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,622 just so she'll have an excuse to come back. 501 00:17:03,722 --> 00:17:04,757 Boy, she must be-- 502 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,693 Yeah, she's built like Wyatt Earp. 503 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,562 If these fit, all I gotta do is chop these tops off. 504 00:17:10,662 --> 00:17:13,432 Rob, do me a favor and just jam 'em up your sleeves. 505 00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:16,702 If you ruin those gloves, she's never gonna get to like me. 506 00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:17,770 Oh, this is ridiculous. 507 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:18,904 I feel like Sophie Tucker. 508 00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:20,672 Yeah, but it doesn't look bad. 509 00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:21,774 What do we do about the buttons? 510 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,041 I'll bite 'em off. 511 00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:24,343 Laura, don't let him lose the buttons. 512 00:17:24,443 --> 00:17:26,178 I won't, and I'll sew 'em back on tonight. 513 00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,579 Laura, didn't you forget something? 514 00:17:27,679 --> 00:17:28,714 What? 515 00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:30,015 Aren't you gonna ask me to sit with Ritchie? 516 00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:31,917 Oh, Millie, would you please? 517 00:17:32,017 --> 00:17:33,852 Did you have to ask? 518 00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:37,189 Don't lose those buttons! 519 00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:38,690 They're gonna lose those buttons. 520 00:17:47,666 --> 00:17:49,134 What do I say if somebody asks me 521 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:50,502 what's wrong with your hands? 522 00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:52,137 Tell 'em I got some kind of itis or something. 523 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,605 I don't care. - Hello. 524 00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:54,406 Hi, there. 525 00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:55,474 You must be Robert Petrie. 526 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:56,608 That's right. 527 00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,010 Well, I'm Roger Johnson and this is Joe Clark. 528 00:17:58,110 --> 00:17:59,011 Mr. Johnson, Mr. Clark. 529 00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:00,145 How are you doing? 530 00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,814 Oh, excuse my hands. 531 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,248 I'm wearing gloves. 532 00:18:03,348 --> 00:18:04,750 I had a little accident, that's why I have gloves on. 533 00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:07,152 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, nothing serious, I hope? 534 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,455 No, it's a little sensitivity kind of. 535 00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,023 I have to keep the gloves-- 536 00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:12,691 Oh, excuse me, this is my wife. 537 00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:13,826 She always wears gloves. 538 00:18:17,062 --> 00:18:18,363 I'm awfully sorry that we're late. 539 00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,833 Well, we're awfully glad you came. 540 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:24,703 Well, it's an award that we're really proud to be getting. 541 00:18:24,803 --> 00:18:28,474 As you all know, Alan Brady was called out of town 542 00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:30,175 unexpectedly and could not be here 543 00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:32,211 to accept the award in person. 544 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:34,379 However, I'm very happy to tell you 545 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,616 that we do have with us one Mr. Robert 546 00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,985 Petrie who is the head writer of the show 547 00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:42,621 and his very lovely wife Laura. 548 00:18:42,721 --> 00:18:45,491 [applause] 549 00:18:46,758 --> 00:18:48,694 Thank you, and now without further ado, just go ahead 550 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:52,264 and let our Chairman Mr. Johnson make the formal presentation. 551 00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:53,832 Thank you. Mr. Johnson. 552 00:18:53,932 --> 00:18:54,766 Thank you very much. 553 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:57,369 [applause] 554 00:18:57,469 --> 00:19:00,973 My friends, since Mr. Petrie is the head writer of "The Alan 555 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:04,843 Brady Show," I feel it is most fitting and proper for him 556 00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:06,745 to accept this award tonight. 557 00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:10,782 Now, as you know, this award is given for, well, let me 558 00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,652 quote from the citation itself. 559 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:17,289 "This award has been granted to the Alan Brady show 560 00:19:17,389 --> 00:19:20,058 for his consistent thematic restatement 561 00:19:20,158 --> 00:19:22,528 of the American ideals of equality. 562 00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:26,331 Truth is the doorway to understanding. 563 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:29,902 Mr. Petrie, it gives me great pleasure to present 564 00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,237 this award to your show. 565 00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:35,908 [applause] 566 00:19:38,277 --> 00:19:40,846 Thank you very much, Mr. Johnson. 567 00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:44,516 On behalf of everyone down at "The Alan Brady Show," 568 00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:46,451 I would like to express our appreciation 569 00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:48,520 to you for this award. 570 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:52,791 And I certainly hope that we can fulfill this wonderful idea 571 00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:54,426 represented on the plaque. 572 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:59,298 "The truth is the doorway to understanding." 573 00:19:59,398 --> 00:20:01,833 Folks, I don't really feel that I 574 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:04,102 have a right to hold this particular award up 575 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,606 here with gloves on my hands. 576 00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:08,807 Rob. 577 00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:10,909 Well, honey, truth is doorway to understanding. 578 00:20:11,009 --> 00:20:14,179 Excuse me a moment there, a little family discussion here. 579 00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:15,881 You know how that is. 580 00:20:15,981 --> 00:20:17,082 [whispering] 581 00:20:17,182 --> 00:20:18,850 Honey, we didn't do anything wrong. 582 00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:25,657 [clears throat] 583 00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:28,694 As I was saying-- 584 00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:29,528 what was I saying? 585 00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:31,296 Oh, it was such a good idea. 586 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:32,698 You were talking about your gloves. 587 00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:35,133 Oh, yeah, my gloves, I'm sorry, thank you. 588 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,604 Ladies and gentlemen, I told Mr. Johnson when I came here 589 00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:41,974 that I was wearing these gloves because my hands were 590 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,175 sensitive. 591 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:46,011 And actually I'm wearing them because I'm 592 00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:48,547 sensitive about my hands. 593 00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:50,582 And overly sensitive, I hope. 594 00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,686 That's a little confusing, I guess, isn't it? 595 00:20:54,786 --> 00:20:59,124 I think that I can explain it so it makes a little sense to you. 596 00:20:59,224 --> 00:21:02,628 You see, my wife was dying a thundercloud suit for our son 597 00:21:02,728 --> 00:21:03,962 and she didn't use a stick. 598 00:21:04,062 --> 00:21:05,497 And I came home. 599 00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:07,165 And of course, I couldn't have known about using a stick. 600 00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:11,003 Matter of fact, I thought it was dinner at first or my tux. 601 00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,205 That's-- I'm not making that-- 602 00:21:13,305 --> 00:21:14,439 [laughs] 603 00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:19,945 Let me-- my wife and I accidentally stuck our hands 604 00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:22,547 in a pot of dye, permanent dye. 605 00:21:22,648 --> 00:21:25,050 And we wore these gloves because we were 606 00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:26,652 afraid of what you might think. 607 00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:30,255 We were afraid of what you might think we were thinking. 608 00:21:30,355 --> 00:21:31,490 What do you think? 609 00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:39,698 Let's take off our gloves and see if truth is 610 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,733 the doorway to understanding. 611 00:21:46,838 --> 00:21:49,007 [laughter] 612 00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:55,647 If you think this is ridiculous, we got a little boy 613 00:21:55,747 --> 00:21:58,550 at home in the same condition. 614 00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:00,719 And there's a baseball, too, and a stick. 615 00:22:00,819 --> 00:22:03,822 Yeah, and one of your clean towels. 616 00:22:03,922 --> 00:22:06,591 As I look around the room now, I 617 00:22:06,692 --> 00:22:09,061 see that all my fears and all my embarrassments 618 00:22:09,161 --> 00:22:10,996 were self-imposed. 619 00:22:11,096 --> 00:22:16,268 There's-- I can't wait 'til the day when understanding is 620 00:22:16,368 --> 00:22:17,869 between everybody such a commonplace 621 00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:21,673 thing that they don't have to hand out awards for it. 622 00:22:21,773 --> 00:22:23,508 I mean, it seems like understanding ought 623 00:22:23,608 --> 00:22:24,876 to be as natural as breathing. 624 00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:26,478 I mean, they certainly don't give out 625 00:22:26,578 --> 00:22:28,246 any awards for breathing, do they, Mr. Johnson? 626 00:22:28,346 --> 00:22:31,817 [applause] 627 00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:37,489 Well, from what you just said, Mr. Petrie, 628 00:22:37,589 --> 00:22:40,058 you are earned the right not to have this award. 629 00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:43,729 Thank you, Mr. Johnson, but I have to have this award. 630 00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:45,731 I mean, what's in my heart is very important, 631 00:22:45,831 --> 00:22:47,866 but what my boss Alan Brady is interested in 632 00:22:47,966 --> 00:22:49,468 is what he can mount on his mantelpiece. 633 00:22:49,568 --> 00:22:51,169 And if I don't give him this award, 634 00:22:51,269 --> 00:22:53,004 he's gonna mount my head on it. 635 00:22:56,641 --> 00:23:00,178 So I says, oh Lord, why did we invite these people here 636 00:23:00,278 --> 00:23:01,146 on this hot day? 637 00:23:01,246 --> 00:23:03,915 [laughter] 638 00:23:04,816 --> 00:23:05,717 Very good. 639 00:23:05,817 --> 00:23:09,187 [applause] 640 00:23:11,590 --> 00:23:14,292 Well, Rob, I can't tell you how much we appreciate 641 00:23:14,392 --> 00:23:15,560 you entertaining us tonight. 642 00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:16,828 Thank you, you're a very good audience. 643 00:23:16,928 --> 00:23:18,196 I don't know whether you're laughing 644 00:23:18,296 --> 00:23:19,464 at my jokes or my hands though. 645 00:23:19,564 --> 00:23:22,467 Uh, both. 646 00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:24,703 Rob, I'm sure I speak for everyone 647 00:23:24,803 --> 00:23:29,074 when I say, any time we can do anything for you, just ask. 648 00:23:29,174 --> 00:23:30,275 Well, thank you, Mr. Johnson. 649 00:23:30,375 --> 00:23:31,510 You've all done enough for me already. 650 00:23:31,610 --> 00:23:32,911 - Uh, Rob. - Huh? 651 00:23:33,011 --> 00:23:33,712 Ask about the button. 652 00:23:33,812 --> 00:23:35,947 No, honey, I can't do that. 653 00:23:36,047 --> 00:23:37,282 But Mr. Johnson said-- 654 00:23:37,382 --> 00:23:38,617 All right, all right. 655 00:23:38,717 --> 00:23:40,852 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, my wife 656 00:23:40,952 --> 00:23:43,488 has something she wants to ask you. 657 00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:46,491 [inaudible] care about it. 658 00:23:46,591 --> 00:23:49,661 I wonder if anybody has found a pearl button? 659 00:23:49,761 --> 00:23:51,530 It goes to my husband's gloves. 660 00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:52,964 No, it's not-- it's not my husband's. 661 00:23:53,064 --> 00:23:56,134 They belong to my neighbor's mother-in-- 662 00:23:56,234 --> 00:23:57,536 No, no, never-- I'm sorry. 663 00:23:57,636 --> 00:23:59,237 No, I'll get them. 664 00:24:06,211 --> 00:24:11,983 [theme music]